I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
