we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
