My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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