I hate your face
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
