i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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