a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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