I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
