I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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