of course. lets lasso hookers.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Olympian is in my bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
