i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
