I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
