Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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