Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
