I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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