You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
