There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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