the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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