i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Semen is not good for contacts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
