I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
