Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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