You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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