Don't you send me to vm
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
