Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
