oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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