8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
