I CAN MOONWALK!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
