I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she told me i tasted like america
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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