I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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