I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
