he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hippo gnu deer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
