Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize