there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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