I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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