Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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