Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
