There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...so i touched it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
