i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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