Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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