I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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