I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
