the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
