Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
