Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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