i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
