Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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