all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
