Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
