i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
