my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
