i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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