dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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