This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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