Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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