I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
