My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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