WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
