Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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