One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
