Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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