I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
