So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
