I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
