well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
