We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
