He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
