do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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