Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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