entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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