Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
