tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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